I get a certain look when I’m completely caught up in berserk stressed mode. I don’t breathe. Don’t eat. Don’t sleep. Am wracked with guilt over failing to be Super Mom. Oh, and it’s all my fault.
The other day I had that look. My energy field was bound to attract vampires any second. Stefan and his girlfriend, Audrey, were watching TV and in their zen of chips and cashews and cuddles, while mom is unglued rattling off a pile of stress-release-words to the husband-who-survives-mom’s lunacy with his typical, calm “Stop. How can I help?” response. Stefan looks up. “Mom, chill.”
In my mind, I think the barn is going to collapse on the horse from the 50 inches in a month rain we’ve had. I think that other people think we’re rich and the barn will fix itself because that’s how it works for rich people. I’m self employed and famous for not charging what I deserve. In fact, a good friend gave me the “GET PAID WHAT YOU’RE WORTH” talk the other day. A few weeks ago, the same talk was delivered by a different friend. I went to a workshop one time, and the speaker said, “Whatever you’re charging now, double it!” That was years ago. I didn’t do as he said.
It finally sunk in that not having a vacation in 10 years and working every day, and weekends, is going to kill me and maybe I need to fix that. In the meantime, I got up the nerve to set up a Go Fund Me campaign for the barn because the foundation needs work and a few friends suggested reaching out for help.
The end game is turning the barn into something the community can use. Everyone who visits Dancing Timber has ideas and can see the potential. I dream of being able to teach here and offering space to my friends who teach and would love a place in the country, away from chaos and lights, to do that.
I have domains for sale at GoDaddy.
Purchasing items from Dancing Timber Creations